I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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