he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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