just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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