My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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