Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
