I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
