My nipple is on Facebook.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
