I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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