actually, I'm a sock model
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You work out of a Hotel?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
