A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
