So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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