You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
