i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
