i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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