He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
