do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
