I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he puts the penis in happiness.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
