The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
