if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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