Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
