My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
