Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
