after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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