Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
