Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
