my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
