I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
