My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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