When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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