He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
