Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
