I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
