you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
