i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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