The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
