dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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