Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
