it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
