Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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