she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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