this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Couch. On fire.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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