i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
