whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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