32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
time to smoke my breakfast
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
