Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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