I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
