I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
