Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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