Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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