I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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