WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
