Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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