I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
