Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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