this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
